unofficial_god_awful_moviesfandomcom-20200215-history
Agent Emes: The Fish Head (GAM106)
Agent Emes: The Fish Head is episode one of the masterpiece The Adventures of Agent Emes, and is about how selective inbreeding can cause just enough genetic defects to be noticeable, but not enough to discourage the behaviour. Type: Yaweh Saves! (and takes half damage) Opening Phrase Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, except when Eli picks something that isn't Christian or cinema, but don't worry—it's going to be awesome. How Bad Was It? Well, if you're a witch who brought racist cartoons of Jews to life and then forgot where you put them, you will love this movie… 'cause you found your cartoons. Best Worst *Eli: …genetics. *Moishe: ...attempt to make the Jews look good. *Noah: ...slapstick Nazi. Notes *Check out "Moishe" nowhere, because like Emes, he's a secret agent. *This would be a lot easier to understand if we found out Richard Spencer made it. Jokes *"I want to point out: our first introduction to Secret Agent Emes is that he's a stone cold fucking killer. This guy's up on a high ladder, and all he's doing is trying to cut a magic wire. Not great, I understand, you're messing with people's religion—I get it, it's not a good thing, it's not a nice thing to do—but this kid tries to shake him off the fucking ladder. He tries to murder this man in cold blood. Secret Agent Emes is like fucking psychotic Daniel Craig over here. That's the moment where I was like 'Oh, this is a serious fucking spy film: I'm in.' "(22:24) *"And for those of you who have never heard a shofar before—who haven't experienced the mitzvah of hearing a shofar—I want to point out: the first time you hear a shofar, there is no possible way you think that is what it is supposed to sound like. Ever. You're always like 'Oh man, he messed up. I'll just wait for him to do it again properly.' And then they do the same thing twice, and you're like 'Oh, this is it.' For like forty-five minutes. And I should point out, the first time you do it—it's part of this long Torah service, that takes like an hour and a half—and each time you're like 'Any minute now there's going to be a tune.' Nope. It's always… it goes: *extended series of random noises* You're like, 'Well, soon it's going to be music. He's going to play a s… oh no, he's doing it more. Okay, he's having—something's wrong here; he's not okay.' Also, there's one called the goolit, and the first time it... you crack the first time you hear that... every single… there is no Jew… Jesus Christ himself the first time he heard this goolit (or whatever it is) was like 'That's fucking hilarious.' " (55:45) Interstitials *Donald Trump discovers Agent Emes (17:15) *"I ran out of Jew words." (1:03:19) Tropes *The Eli Bosnick Story *Bad Sportsing *Indoctrination of Children *Not Jewish Enough *Nothing Happens Links *Episode on Audioboom *Trailer on YouTube *IMDB Category:Episodes Category:Special Guests Category:Moishe Steinstein Category:Noah Lugeons Category:Eli Bosnick __NOEDITSECTION__